The Anatomy Of War

Bye Bye

2005-09-19T13:50:41Z

Im going to make my journal friends only and start fresh. So if for some reason you want to read my journal. Just ask and ill add you no matter what.

oh dear god i dont feel alive!

2005-09-18T21:06:55Z

I dont know what to do anymore. Every second im without you im a mess. I sit in my room all day thinking about you. Quoting love song lyrics. Wishing i could be holding you while i say them. You know you dont feel the same way. But you tell me to wait. Ill wait as long as you tell me to. I just hope that all of this wont be in vain....

The biggest pain is when you tell me that it doesnt feel right to kiss me. To me its like being born again.

I wish for you

Welcome Home

2005-09-18T10:42:38Z

You could have been all I wanted,
But you weren't honest,
Now get in the ground,
You choked off the surest of favors,
But if you really loved me,
You would have endured my reign...

Well if you're just, as I presumed,
A whore in sheep's clothing,
Fucking up all I do...

And if so here we stop,
Then never, again will you see,
This in your life...

Hang on to the glory at my right hand,
Here lay to rest is a love ever long,
With truth on the shores of confession,
You seem to take premise, to all of these souls...

You stormed off to scar the armada,
Like Jesus played letter,
I'll drill through your hands,
The stone for the curse you have blamed me...

With love and devotion I'll die as you sleep,
But you could just rat me out,
To never mis-warn her happy will I become,
Be true that this is no option,
So rinse it, condemn you demon raiding in love...

Hang on to the glory at my right hand,
Here lay to rest is a love ever long,
With truth on the shores of confession,
You seem to take premise to all of these songs...

One last kiss for you,
One more wish to you,
Please make up your mind girl,
I'd do anything for you,
One last kiss for you,
One more wish to you,
Please make up your mind girl,
Before I hope you die...

sweet kiss

2005-09-18T10:41:20Z

As i gave you my note with my heart still inside. You gave me a kiss and i felt alive again.

Death-Cycles...

2005-09-11T21:15:16Z

run run away from the things you fear
the faster we go the smaller they get
we can outrun them if we try
on day we'll be fine
We out ran it all
hope and love hand and hand
with these visions of the future what went wrong?
hope and love no longer strong
run run towards this new world
he is the one you wanted, love
left behind the faster man
as i try to catch up to her i know i will never succeed
headed for another life
i look away
and in an instant life starts to shake
i go flying and for a moment i am free
i awake to a bright light what could it be?
...a truck!

mi_bella_muerte @ 2005-09-11T16:16:00

2005-09-11T20:18:38Z

Ill burn it all. Everything that reminds me of you will be turned into ash. Good thing there isnt much left to do. Now all thats left is those fish i havent decided how im going to kill them yet. Everything will burn...

i wonder how goldfish taste???

11a.m.

2005-09-11T18:04:58Z

Seven a.m.
The garbage truck beaps as it backs up
And I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away
Could I push rewind?
The credits traverse, signifying the end
But I missed the best part
Could we please go back to start?
Forgive my indecision
Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side
But then again, a day will come when I want off that ride
Eleven a.m.
By now you would think that I would be up
But my bedsheets shade the heat of choices I've made
And what did I find?
I never thought I could want someone so much
Cause now you're not here and I'm knee deep in that old fear
Forgive my indecision
I am only a man
Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side
But then again, a day will come when I want off that ride
Twelve p.m. and my dusty telephone rings
Heavy head up from my pillow, who could it be?
I hope it's you

We Die Young

2005-09-11T06:05:28Z

Tomorrow im gonna stay in all day and not do anything at all. Im gonna waste the day on my bed. And play video games in my undies, hehehe...

I know its time to erase someone completely from my life. Itll be better this way, i hope

Mike and me almost got into a fight outside walmart with like 6 wanna be thug kids. it was fun. I dont see how SIX guys pussied out. Against ME AND MIKE....

Two sides to every coin

2005-09-08T22:16:19Z

Motorcycle day is a very dangerous day.

I just got my bike. And in doing so i popped a wheelie and smashed my leg.

A great day at work was met with a sore thumb from almost ripping off my finger.

My grandmother is in town. It will probably be her last visit. I love her

Im single again. Im single again

Talked to her. Knew itd never be the same

LIstening to this makes me happy in remembering all the bad times. Its all the wrongs in your life that you remember. All the pain you never want to let go. As you get older pray to a higher power for memory loss cause in the end thats all you'll have and all you'll regret. In time thats all we will all ever be a distant memory a faded smile and a passing glance. I hope im the memory you regret. the thing you cant forget

The Greatest disappointment

2005-08-20T07:59:01Z

Ive become somewhat of a master at avoiding you.
But i still cant help but think about you everyday.
You're so close yet never close enough.
Most of the time you go about your business not noticing me but i see you.
Some times i can tell you see me to but you shrug it off as if i was a memory.
I know i could never live up to what you expect in people.
So it would be pointless for me to try.
I've tried to let it go and forget but i cant.
Your smile and your smell will always be engraved in my brain.
Given the chance id probably come close to making you happy.
...But in the end id be just another dumb kid in way over my head.
Out of place and low on ideas.

The Greatest disappointment

Umm....lets see.....

2005-08-10T20:22:00Z

I turned 20 on Aug 6th

Went to the warped tour and got to meet reggie and hold his keyboard while he played it was awesome. he gave me a free tshirt and i made him sign a cd, its a thing we have.

Went to daytona for 4 days with Melissa. That was fun. although we just stayed indoors and watched tattoo shows. It was way too hot to go outside at anytime.

I got full time at BIC. Ima be making ass loads of money. I love money. But the people at night arent a bunch of dicks. And they dont hate me because of amber. I sit in a group and make jokes. Also everyones lazy like me we take like half hour brakes everytime. They only trained me for one day and said i had the machine down. When it takes others like a week or two to get it. But they moved me to shapes to help out because borris hired a bunch of nigger workers. I work every night

I dont hang out with people much anymore. But i do miss hanging with jamal and steve and mike. But mike doesnt want to hang out cause i bitch too much or so he says.

Oh yeah one more thing. Its amazing how autumns(?) friend cared more about me then she did. So i say thank you Audry i keep your card you drew in my wallet.

Thats all i can think of right now

....hasta la bye bye

mi_bella_muerte @ 2005-07-10T22:42:00

2005-07-11T04:20:34Z

Most of the trails and tribulations we go through will never be remembered.

like me....

remissions decision

2005-06-21T21:46:58Z

Its happening again. I know it is.
Im gonna fall.
just hope getting back up wont hurt too bad.
The heat from the fire is just too much to take but unwittingly i keep getting closer.
A disease supposedly in remission.
I welcome you back for death eternal.
The blood in my tears clouds my judgment.
Turn me upside down and spit me out.
watch me fall
fall
fall
fall into grace...

mi_bella_muerte @ 2005-06-21T00:12:00

2005-06-21T04:23:40Z

Lets see if i can go o jail for free.

Never been so honest with you. Yet i find myself holding things in. Keeping things from you. Cause i know they'll end up hurting you even more. I hoe you do go to New York. It will be good for you. You'll grow out of me and be happy just like you've always wished you could be.

I think im going to quit bic very soon. Everyone there hates me and most of them do nigger work. I wouldve rather they hated me for me. Instead of them hating me because of other people

HATE Hate hate hate hate!

2005-06-20T05:14:15Z

I want you to know that i HATE you all.... ill get back to that.

I moved out, i had a new car.

Now im in debt and i nearly died. I almost wish i wouldve, cause it wouldve made things a lot easier.

Lets get to it. As soon as i lot my car i lost all contact with almost everyone.Its nice to know that all i really was was a driver. So you people could have a good fucking time. If we only talked once or twice in a week you fall into my hate chart. I really dont want you people as friends and if it was up to me i wouldnt see you people again.

since me accident i have been getting headaches everyday. i hope i have a tumor.

Jamie is a saint

Star wars rules

i hope each and everyone of you dies.

"Id like to say about a million things but i cant express them monosyllabicly enough for you pricks to understand me"

mi_bella_muerte @ 2005-06-03T19:31:00

2005-06-03T23:35:25Z

Something about girls with tattoos just kills me. I guess iver developed a taste for it . I want one with them. Its so hot....

Oh yeah,Im moving out tonight!

I got a little hatch back tinker car. its ok looking i guess. But great on gas.

The party will prolly be next week.

I still have yet to tell my parents and i was about to do it when they left now im waiting for them to come home....this is gonna suck.....

S

FUCK THAT.

2005-06-02T16:18:12Z

So we basically got the house and will probably be moving in this week. Some people have seen it i hope they like it. And i also hope they let us do all the painting and knock it off our rent. That would help alot.

Apparently my parents are getting me a more fuel efficient car. But didnt tell me. It would help alot with money. Now im wondering if i should tell them im moving out before or after i get the car....After. I dont even care what it looks like.

Friday me Jamie and Valerie are going to the beach. This should be hella fun.

Oh yeah i will post what day the party will on. And if you need ideas on what to bring(not cards) just ask bitches.....

tid bits news and tits..

2005-05-29T23:13:24Z

When i move out everyone is invited over for a house warming party. You'll have to park somewhere else like the mall and walk over. Thats how close ill be to everyone, NEXT TO THE MALL PEOPLE! But in order to get in you have to bring a house warming gift and im not talking a fucking card, im talking a toaster or garbage bags and or garbage cans. Im sure we'll need all that stuff. If someone brings card im gonna punch them in the face. Also everyone is welcome to stay but if its more then three night in a row you'll have to pay 23 bucks a night. I will be moving out soon. Not by myself but with Mike and Jamie. Everyone knows Mike but Jamie is a girl i worked with at tropical smoothie. She is the best, everyone will love her. Not to mention shes still hot after she shaved her head. I cant wait till i drunken slip-n-slide. Drink anytime i want. Come home anytime i want. Put things where i think they should go. Organize things how i like them and know they wont get moved or unplugged for any reason. Plant a garden. I dont know why but i want one. Buy a giant fish tank. buy a pool and a trampoline and go swimming without having to worry about how i be lookin. GAAAHH BIA! it will be tubular

ouch

2005-05-25T17:09:20Z

I have made my ear holes bigger again. I like doing it its fun.

Working sucks

BALLS!!

mi_bella_muerte @ 2005-05-23T23:49:00

2005-05-24T03:50:06Z

Im working seven days a week.....im starting to burn out

Just let me go.........

2005-05-20T07:37:30Z

These past few days Ive gone into some kind of seclusion. Its been met with mixed reaction. Im not trying to hurt anyone or be with other people. Im trying to come to some sort of peace with myself. So the next time i see someone i can look into their eyes and not fear them seeing too deep.
Ashley its not your fault and theres nothing you can do to help. Its really hard to just sit and think if im constantly being bothered with phone calls. But it isnt all your fault. It seems the more i try to separate myself the more people want to get close.

Its uncanny how i can talk to my guy friends and have there be nothing wrong and everything ok. But as soon as i hear a womans voice it sends pain straight to my heart. Its overwhelming at times. grabbing a knife and pushing it deeper into my soul because i miss the pain and color of death. staring into space. Im lost in my own dreams. Dreams of things that i wish were true. Women are the pain of life....

Hopefully in a few more days i can find the peace of mind i so desperately need. Until then bare with me. leave me be please. I dont need anyone to hold my hand. I didnt ask for anyones shoulder to cry on. Or lips to touch. When people ask for things from me i do my best to complete the task before me. I only ask for one thing, space. Please give it to me. When im ready ILL call.

Im not special...</3

mi_bella_muerte @ 2005-05-19T01:03:00

2005-05-19T05:04:44Z

I AM NOT SPECIAL

Your smell.....

2005-05-17T04:18:02Z

Its become apparent to me that i shouldn't write what im feeling anywhere. Because people are gonna misconstrue them as a welcome mat for self help advice. It also leads people to that that im open to conversation on emotions. And that just aint me. I hate to talk about how i feel. Id rather just deal with it myself and let none be the wiser..... Either that or I am just putting to much thought into everything and making things harder then they have to be.

Cant go back. You can never go back. You have to keep moving forward to get back......

Im a strapping young lad this should be easy. Now if only i was good looking.....

A girl was killed a couple of houses down from me. Its getting closer. I know thats its waiting for me to slip up. DEATH IS UPON ME.

Wing House and Mugs & Jugs think im 21. Why should i argue.

I wish you would shoot me down from the sky. So i wouldnt fly blind. Back handed comments and head on collisions are getting us nowhere.....

mi_bella_muerte @ 2005-05-13T01:57:00

2005-05-13T06:04:04Z

how the fuck do i break bass strings. Those things are thicker then marsh's dick...hehehehe

im not goin to work tomorrow. Ill be damned if i work all weekend. Its bad enough they got me working on sundays

I dont know what to do anymore. i think ive lost the chance ive never had to be with i great girl. And for that i regret taking a chance...maybe....tomorrow will be better cause it cant rain everyday. I hope

someone save me. I dont think i need myself anymore......

SIGH

2005-05-11T05:51:27Z

i hate my dad more and more as each day passes.

I cant wait to leave this house
this city
this state
this country...

let it be soon